I am still contemplating  forcing myself to see the doctor as all the advice is “Get help! Go and see your GP!” on all the self help sites and my mental health is getting worse weekly if not daily.  Yet going to see a doctor as my anxiety has gotten a lot worse and it all feels too much is not the same as being highly motivated to change. Depressed people have little or no motivation, they think of ending it all and are at the end of their tether. Yet if the depression is a result of life long social anxiety and near total isolation for years then the advice is often to conquer the anxiety first. However  many of the self help sites seem to demand already having a huge motivation to change and then you are expected to engage fully and enthusiastically in a long list of your most feared situations. If you already had this huge motivation then surely you would have started to do things on your own anyway without needed to see a therapist or doctor. Then if you dare complain they try to put pressure on you for being a coward or not willing to change when you dont seem eager to confront situations which you have been avoiding for decades.

Although the NHS is pretty shit especially at treating mental health issues and on the verge of collapse I now wonder if I do finally force myself to see my doctor that I should only talk about my depression and wanting to die all the time. After all if I mention my life  long social anxiety he/she might think that this would need to be addressed first and of course I have absolutely no motivation of waiting for maybe two years and then doing excruciatingly humiliating exposure therapy with a bunch of probably younger people and in fact the thought of doing this would make me want to kill myself even more. Its all pretty much bullshit though as unless I can find some way of getting a job which at the moment is about as likely Jesus appearing in my fridge then there is no future anyway.



Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

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