Is social anxiety the fear of people or really the fear of the humiliation created by them? The fear of losing control. Of course people and especially certain types of people are the trigger for social anxiety but it’s the fear of losing control and being intensely humiliated that maintained the avoidance for me. The prospect of blushing and sweating uncontrollably whilst having trouble making even basic conversation not only made me feel totally ashamed and inadequate but also made others deeply uncomfortable around me and also may well have led to ridicule considering where I worked with lots of young males. This is what it was like trying to speak to attractive girls when I was younger so the idea that I just keep forcing my-self to do it and then get better is not only a lie but something only somebody with no concept of crippling social anxiety would even say. Yet they do.
Almost every self help book I have read just assumes anxiety is just shyness and when you force yourself to approach and talk with people it’s almost always better than you imagined and then you just keep getting better. This is patently wrong. The humiliation was sometimes extreme. So extreme in fact that I was thinking of suicide just to escape this fear even when in my teens. Women all over the internet even admit how much they hate being chatted up by very shy men and that it is awkward. Shy men are known as weird and creepy for that reason so nobody wants you to even talk to them. I also did not have any witty banter as I had no friends and never went anywhere so was a miserable and depressed person and full of sadness.You are constantly guilt tripped for not getting out there and doing stuff while completely ignoring the obvious fact that when you do and still act shy or miserable for that matter other people dislike you and make you feel even worse.
My voice was ludicrously weak and nobody understood me when there was any background noise so I never even went to nightclubs or bars or any other type of social event. It just never got better. That’s because when you do force yourself to go out to places with people and still act very shy other people find you irritating or hard work and never want to go anywhere with you again so you give up entirely and become a recluse. It’s not cowardice; it’s everyone else treating you like a freak because you are so shy so nobody wants to go anywhere with you or know you. You are basically rejected by humanity for being faulty. There is no turning down invitations. You never even get invited to any in the first place. To not understand any of this or think it merely excuses is to not have any concept of what severe social anxiety is really like and the desperate urge to do anything to avoid it which unfortunately seems to be most of the experts online. They also totally ignore the dislike of you by other people or pretend you are just being paranoid. No its quite real.The shame never goes away.