The simple truth of mental illness or self fulfilling prophecy?

So I perfectly understand the concept of catastrophizing and all or nothing thinking which the therapists talk about. Basically its always thinking the worst which almost never happens. Except sometimes it does. For instance I thought even at school that I would never marry or have a relationship and I still haven’t and I’m over 45 although obviously my sexual problems made this way more complicated. I thought I would never find a job again after being made redundant and that was over 12 years ago.  In fact it was a nightmare even finding jobs to apply for and I got turned down from all of them.

I have joint pain and a bad hip and after seeing the doctors several times they basically offered me no help whatsoever and I had to change departments at work so I already have exceptionally bad experiences from the medical profession even for a physical condition which showed up on the X ray. I now think I will end up homeless and as I am not entitled to any benefits that is a very good chance of this really happening and I still aim to kill myself before that occurs and many days even now I struggle to not self harm and almost yearn for all this to end as I see no way out.  Yet people cant understand negativity or depression. Like I have said before life is nothing more than survival of the fittest and the results of evolution.

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