Swim Harder!


The thing is I know my misery and depression annoy or repel people. I also have paranoia increasing again (and as I type this my left eye starts twitching uncontrollably!) In fact I felt very edgy going for my daily walk again yesterday and thought someone was smirking at me the day before. Rather than totally irrational this stems from me walking funny due to a bad hip and even getting punched in the face for it once by a local yobbo. I also have deep irritability and an inside raging anger. Even little things irritate me like this shit computer which takes 30 seconds to do anything once you press a button(well it is still windows XP!) So I dislike myself a lot of the time. I have also read these emotions are common for people with anxiety/depression.

And yet……….. the advice, the constant advice it seems is to learn to love yourself (how? drugs?) and then go to any and every social occasion. BUT if I am miserable and irritable even ignoring my chronic social anxiety I will almost certainly be repelled and disliked and avoided which will make me MORE paranoid, MORE depressed, MORE avoidant.

This is  just so incredibly obvious and also logical that it appears to me that the people offering the advice are either liars or delusional, perhaps both.The common theme is to get angry with you as if its your fault for behaving this way and totally ignore the depression or anxiety in any way whatsoever.They demand positivity to socialise, they demand positivity if you start therapy without ever telling you how to get it in the first place.

Thats why so many people dont talk about mental health and hide it as they get attacked and blamed for it when they do.  There is so much pressure to be positive that nobody dares speak for fear of being attacked and blamed.  Its probably why so many blogs are from people who are already in the positive mindset or have recovered.  For those still drowning in the depths of depression and anxiety the help is basically telling them its all their own fault for not swimming hard enough.



Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

2 thoughts on “Swim Harder!”

  1. Why would appropriate advice be to be social when you have difficulty with yourself alone? Wouldn’t it be best to handle your own shit before you start having to pretend to be okay in front of people? If im shitty company to myself, I know I will be to other people.
    I vote delusional.
    And this is where I have a question. I’m on the recovering side. And I’d love to be like “it gets better!” But I know I HATED hearing that. How do we go about being uplifting without being utterly annoying.

    1. The thing is I still keep coming across the advice of do anything , go everywhere but perhaps this is only appropriate to anxiety alone and not when you are depressed or in my case often deranged.

      Delusional may be best. I think I realised long ago that my mindset had to be totally changed before social situations. I thought that is what therapists did actually, gave ou the motivation in the first place. Maybe some do if they practice mindfulness and things like that. Its just that when I really looked into CBT as I was actually thinking of getting help for the first time ever and all I saw online was keep forcing yourself into awkward situations repeatedly regardless of fear. Its very hard work. You MUST be highly motivated.

      Maybe getting the right help is hit and miss though without going private. I read again only today that after one year 50% of people had regressed to how they felt before therapy. if some people who are very depressed and feeling hopeless are advised to not even go to CBT for anxiety then its not a cure all.

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