Social Anxiety AND Depression is MUCH WORSE!

I saw a sparrowhawk out of my bedroom window this morning. It made me feel better for a while. I will try and force myself out to some kind of festival in town later. To be honest being alone in the midst of many strangers often makes me feel worse but its better than staying at home.

I know I have spoken about this before but it still makes me FURIOUS! I still cant quite comprehend the advice and treatment plan which accompanies anxiety WITH depression despite them being so common together. This is quite often even from people who suffered from anxiety themselves. Despite some ignorance in the general population I think lots of people now can at least grasp some concept of depression and the hopelessness that entails, of becoming isolated and not wanting to get out of bed, of wanting it all to end in any way possible. People are encouraged to try to take exercise, do things they used to enjoy and try to integrate back into life again.

Yet when you accompany depression with social anxiety its a little different. As the anxiety is often the root cause of depression they think this has to be cured first.  SO they tell you to go out, to talk to strangers to socialise to improve your anxiety. “DO ANYTHING!” All CBT for social anxiety revolves around exposure which is to simply force yourself into a variety of ever more difficult social situations and to do this they demand you smile, make witty banter, approach and talk to everyone. WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY  F**KING IMPOSSIBLE IF YOU HAVE DEPRESSION!  If you try you come across as a miserable bastard and fail which makes you feel even worse! My depression is also accompanied by intense irritability, rage and paranoia. When things go bad I become very upset and either want to get drunk and self harm or attack. So I can’t just learn by my mistakes and carry on regardless. A therapist just telling me to just think differently once a week after all these years will not work.

Because of the depression even leaving the house has become hard. As you may well already have a suicide plan in the back of your mind as you are already at the hopeless stage then there is absolutely no motivation.  There are other problems like trying to find work after long term unemployment when you know full well if you were 100% normal tomorrow it would still be an enormous struggle to get anyone to employ you after many years of doing nothing in a world that treats such people as simply lazy or wasters. I have no children or partner to motivate me to stay on and I am too old to have a family life now anyway so I have no rosy future but more like a desperate struggle for survival into old age.

To make things more complicated therapy for depression alone may not work as it cant re-engage me with a more productive life as I never went anywhere or did anything before I had depression due to my social anxiety.  I never had friends or family or socialised for years before depression hit. Many people cant grasp all these factors and then just get angry at you, say you are just making excuses and that some people just cant be helped. SO THEY GUILT TRIP YOU THINKING IT WILL MAKE YOU TAKE ACTION WHEN ALL IN FACT ITS DOING IS MAKING YOU MORE LIKELY TO COMMIT SUICIDE! Maybe I cant change now and there is no way out now so demanding that there is lots of help available and that your condition is highly treatable is a complete lie. Giving me false hope has angered me even more. Even simple exposure tasks are close to impossible as I cant think of appropriate words or sentences or smile or make jokes or ask questions or act like a normal human being. In fact I act awkward and so make other people feel awkward and want to leave. What a surprise! Then people dislike you and make you feel worse! Its never ending!

They also say you will think differently when you start therapy and yet the anxiety forums are full of people saying that CBT was absolutely useless and their therapist was not a nice or sympathetic person at all but abusive or a bully.

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Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up!

5 thoughts on “Social Anxiety AND Depression is MUCH WORSE!”

  1. When you are depressed they tell you to go run, do things, try to enjoy stuff, don’t stay at bed, be busy and blah blah blah, don’t they know that when you are depressed you don’t have the motivation to do anything? you can’t force being motivated, getting out of depression by acting not depressed? what the hell!
    And CBT teaches you that you have many belief systems that are wrong, that your head is filled with negativity, and you need to live inside your head all day long talking to yourself and trying to calme down and then at the end you talk to someone and your face freezes and everything and all the work you did collapses. Maybe you need a lifetime just to change one thought permanently otherwise why bother if after you finish 20 seasons of CBT you find yourself at square one?
    These days i’m trying to find the root cause of SA, when did it exactly start and what caused it, i think if i attack the root cause i can maybe get back on my feet, but i really don’t know what it is …

  2. When you are depressed they tell you to go run, do things, try to enjoy stuff, don’t stay at bed, be busy and blah blah blah, don’t they know that the thing preventing you from doing all those stuff is depression? get over depression by not being depressed? great advice!
    And CBT teaches you that you have many belief systems that are wrong, that your head is filled with negativity, and you need to live inside your head all day long talking to yourself and trying to calme down and then at the end you talk to someone and your face freezes and everything and all the work you did collapses. Maybe you need a lifetime just to change one thought permanently otherwise why bother if after you finish 20 seasons of CBT you find yourself at square one?
    These days i’m trying to find the root cause of SA, when did it exactly start and what caused it, i think if i attack the root cause i can maybe get back on my feet, but i really don’t know what it is …

  3. Yes, I agree with most of that. I think my parents are my cause as there is a history of it at least on my mums side. I still think much of the advice just assumes people are not that bad and when pushed almost always do better than they expect. I used to do much worse which always got a bad response as most normal people just think you are being rude or deliberately unfriendly and that made me even more avoidant, not better. Lots of advice for anxiety and depression is total crap! I went a long walk this afternoon yet again. It has made me more tired but has hardly cheered me up. In fact I sat down on a bench for a while and wished I had some kind of weapon so I could kill myself painlessly.

  4. CBT didn’t work for me at all. Too pushy, too much pressure. Exposure is hard and if you’re not ready for it it is very much jumping in at the deep end. Talking therapy has helped me a lot. Talking about scripts and rumination has helped me take the sting out of my anxiety and I am now far more positive about my prospects of further quelling my anxiety. I do go private though it was CBT on the NHS that didn’t work for me. With private therapy there is no rush no pressure. I’ve heard good things about pastoral funded therapy too.

  5. Thanks for your comment. Every-time i read about CBT and especially their idea of the sort of exposures I should be doing it just makes me feel more hopeless and not even want to go for help. One guy on the anxiety forum is talking about actually lying down on the pavement in the street as if that is supposed to cure him of social anxiety! FFS! The idea that because most people dont say anything they dont notice or care about you being weird. Its bullshit. Most people would think you’re completely mad and not want to have anything to do with you, they just dont all say it.

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