………………And if so why does all advice for social anxiety ignore depression completely despite it being common with anxiety and demand you just go round speaking to strangers and think it will go spiffingly? But they still get angry with you for being negative or miserable! Even though I’m often suicidally depressed! And I include people who have offered advice to me like JUST DO ANYTHING! on this blog even though I clearly mention depression!
This is from another WordPress blog on social anxiety from last year and I gave permission for my name to be used as I used to know the blogger vaguely from another anxiety forum long, long ago.
“So far, two of the people who followed it have their own blogs and their own experiences of social anxiety. Two very different experiences.
Anxiety and I is positive. This person recognises the hard work ahead, but is proud of accomplishments up to now.
klodo is negative. It would be easy to say his circumstances are his own fault. That if he were more positive and worked hard, like Anxiety and I, he would be in a better state now. But that would be wrong.”
You f**king bet I’m negative. First of all Anxiety and I has only ever made one post in their entire blog history so a bit premature to assume they are positive and proud. Perhaps they have recovered entirely, had only minor shyness or has given up entirely. They also appear to be female an much younger than me so not much of a comparison. Either way they have vanished without trace after only one post.
Although the article was mostly supporting me the way she put it still rankles me to the point of blind fury as you see this attitude on almost all anxiety forums by the people who have recovered and have then become sanctimonious holier than thou, know it all tossers. The idea that its all your own fault and that you must be eager to do the hard work (intense repeated humiliation)because they did .
“Why? Because they ignore the depression that’s often caused by social anxiety. They ignore the ensuing lack of motivation. They also ignore the passing of time that changes the person you are. ”
They also ignore all other problems, like a very weak voice which meant I could not be heard anywhere with music in the background like all pubs, bars or parties so most social situations then so I stopped going to them. Being very FAT at school and ridiculed for having TITS. The crooked teeth and hair lip I had so I could not smile and became very self conscious at age 7. Blushing uncontrollably at times and having to hide in the toilets at work. They also ignore unique problems like being almost asexual until I was 27 which certainly put me off chasing girls and they also ignore the huge differences in gender which meant as a young straight man, well any age really the only way to get a relationship for men is to approach females risking being treated with contempt (when I already felt rightly or wrongly like I was hated)to do the talking as most females never speak first but still slagged me off for being quiet and weird. Then I am expected to ask a girl out when I have never been anywhere as I had no friends and pick her up even though I couldn’t drive! Yeah, sounds like equality!
They also ignore that now I am this age there is absolutely no hope of having an intimate relationship so age really matters and that the rest of my life is now meaningless. They ignore that long term unemployed people especially men are treated like lazy scum and made to feel guilty thus shaming them even more. Thats why its hard to even go to a meetup on photography or walking as I am defensive about all my problems from the start and have absolutely f**k all to speak about. Oh and now I also have a bad temper (can you tell?), more like rage and intense paranoia which makes me terrible company. In fact if you are this mental almost every single aspect of human culture and society forces you to stay avoidant as you have to be normal and likeable FIRST to be accepted into any group situation.
Anyway I could go on like this for hours( What? A depressed person being negative? How bloody dare I!) but this quote about depression from another blog is spot on.
A positive attitude cannot save us. Acknowledging that the future might get better does nothing to change the fact that the here and now is absolute shit. In fact, trying to maintain that positive attitude when you’re feeling hopeless can often worsen it, because you’re using up the rest of what little effort you have fighting a lost cause.
In reality its this simple. If you are very shy and also miserable you repel people and they dislike you so you stay avoidant and dont recover and you feel hated. Its not just avoidance that perpetuates social anxiety. Its being treated like a c**t when you do try.