Yes, another title with a question! I was thinking that since all social anxiety advice in books demands you simply approach complete strangers repeatedly and make small talk without any advice whatsoever on what to say, what subjects to speak about apart from the weather,how to appear natural, how to use social skills how to appear friendly without being creepy (if you are a man speaking to women!) then does just doing it over and over again really make you better and why? And remember this is the easy first thing you are supposed to do!
I got better at work from copying the world chattiest guy in our office and watching how he put people(especially girls) at ease with his witty banter. The thing is he didn’t blush, stammer, sweat or act awkward though so did not get rejected. he made jokes constantly, he was cheeky constantly and he was friendly and relaxed at all times and laughed. The opposite of me then.
Yet if I approached women at bus stops or anywhere in the city and came across as awkward and nervous and boring and depressing they would more likely see me as a nuisance treat me with contempt and this would ruin my confidence and make me more avoidant and depressed. Thus making a mockery of rejection therapy which sounds insane to me. They might as well call it suicide therapy.
And since all small talk with strangers demands positivity and WITTY banter from the off how do I not be depressed when i regularly feel suicidal as I see no possible future? This is just as important at a structured event like a photography meet up. Why on earth do people who advice this for social anxiety think it will get better and make me better unless you just assume I am full of witty banter and that all shy people are completely normal underneath? I am not. After all these years I have burning anger and rage, massive paranoia and a deep fear of sexual intimacy. I hate lots of people including lots on anxiety forums.
Does this mean all advice is biased from only that persons point of view ? They assume all their problems were the same or worse and now as they recovered think they are the worlds greatest expert. Is it all delusional and assumes almost everyone with SA is under 25 and compassionate, lovely. Is there in reality basically no cure for many people but we cant handle the truth so have to create a delusional fantasy world just to make ourselves feel better. If you just follow a set of rules you are bound to recover and if you dont its because you simply did not do the hard work required?
If you are a woman would you really like a shy awkward guy speaking to you at a bus stop or anywhere else about the weather or quantum physics for that matter? Do you assume he wants to F**k you or is he genuinely trying to just be friendly. If you are attractive do you really get guys coming on to you all the time so you have to learn how to deal with it. Do they annoy you? Remember as a man I have never had any women or girl come on to me anywhere ever so really have no clue what its like. Do you think him potentially dangerous if he acts awkward or nervous? Does it matter of he’s over 40 as the advice in all SA books does not take age into account at all and yet I would feel like a dirty old perv speaking to younger women.
Why is the advice not different for women considering that most women never make first contact with a man in public and a lone man could be dangerous and many men who had a friendly woman speak to them probably would think she was coming on to them. Should women with social anxiety only speak to other women or old aged pensioners then?
Why do therapists and some people who have offered advice to me on here in the past think it will go almost certainly go well and increase my confidence and that a 40+ male virgin who speaks to no one for months and think of suicide daily will make witty banter on some unknown subject matter to a total stranger at random? When I tried things like this at work it often, no usually went badly and I become much more avoidant.
If I went out tomorrow, apart from the weather that would sound lame to say the least I have got absolutely no subjects to speak about apart from to moan and whine as I once did at my dentist who said how depressed I sounded.! Then I did not go back for 10 years! Don’t be yourself then. More shit advice! I have not worked in 13 years and never had a relationship so have no family. Stop pretending its just a matter of forcing myself to approach strangers and opening my mouth to cure anxiety. Once again I conclude that therapists are f**king morons.
If you are this mad it would need a complete over haul of your personality first which would take tears and requite optimism and hope. For many people this is completely impossible. There simply is no help.