This question was asked on the UK social anxiety forum recently.
“How do you guys accept you’re not liked by many people?”
Its a hard thing to grasp isn’t it as its often true. I was not liked by many at work or even now online. The weird loner makes other people feel uncomfortable so they dislike him and ignore him so he stays a weird loner. Shit, sounds very much like evolution at work again and the weak being eliminated for being faulty. But remember its all out own fault for not doing the HARD WORK REQUIRED!
The anxiety advice websites continuously say “Learn to love yourself!” and “Just be yourself!” when in reality thats the reason we are not liked in the first place. Its not just our shyness as if we force ourselves to talk and we suddenly burst forth with WITTY BANTER and everyone immediate loves us. In reality to be liked by the majority we have to learn to behave like the majority. Social Skills and all that shit! We must like what they like, hate what they hate and think what they think or at least pretend to in order to be accepted.
An obvious example both in the UK and USA are Brexit and Trump. Roughly half of each country voted for the opposition and yet saying you voted for either is akin to saying you are a closet Nazi in real life or online on any forum so people stay quiet So people who claim to be tolerant are only tolerant to people who vote for whoever they voted for and deride all others even if its half the population as morally inferior. Some may be but the majority aren’t. I voted Brexit for instance and have been consistently centre left on most issues all my life. I am not the slightest bit ashamed so being derided as evil or racist by left wing students on a anxiety forum for shy people just makes me hate them all the more and I classify them as intolerant and ignorant. i would still vote the same way tomorrow. If you want to change opinion try reasoned debate not threats and accusations which is why I suppose so many universities dont allow people to speak with another opinion any more as they might have intelligent conversation which would require independent thought instead of virtue signalling to your peers in order to be accepted into the group dynamic.
Yet a regular piece of advice for those with social anxiety in self help books is to state an unpopular opinion! Which will probably get you disliked and ostracised! Especially if you are still at university or under the age of 30.
By contrast, today’s picture is of some sparrows in the garden. I have fed the birds here for many years now. It gives me a sense of enormous well-being!
Monday is washing day and as I did nothing remotely exciting and did not leave the house I took a picture of my underpants! They are in B+W to represent the monotony of daily life and the underlying fear of death in the mind of man. Coincidentally I momentarily had this fear while watching episode 7 of Stranger Things on Netflix. That’ll teach me. I may take them to a modern art gallery and hang them on the wall with or without permission. No one will notice as lots of modern art is a concept invented by lunatics to take the piss and give people with no talent something to do to make them feel good.
If that is too offensive to you I also took a close up picture of my biscuits.
I have always hated Sundays since I was a small kid. Our family never did anything or went anywhere and as a loner kid it meant that I was always bored and in fact started to form the mindset of depression and anxiety way back then. A boring house, a depressing house equals anxiety and no relaxation or contentment. Restlessness that remained for life.
Today’s picture is of the local cathedral. I am trying to take a picture every day for a week to force myself to focus on something(quite literary!) even if I dont go out that far yet as my avoidance has gotten so bad in recent times Its still quite hot for the UK. 30C inside and about 45C in the sun so I dont wont to go far specially as I cant drive. This is a building I am very familiar with but this time I tried to take a picture of something different like a view of the grotesques around the roof. Gargoyles are what the rainwater comes out of , Grotesques are all other sculptures on churches and cathedrals.
Even then I noticed the way some people were looking at me weirdly as I took pictures almost as if I was doing something unusual or wrong. This is very common.By contrast people taking photos on their mobile phone never get a second glance. You see I still get paranoid when people look at me. As if they are judging, mocking if only to themselves.I have taken over 150000 pictures over the last 10 odd years and still get paranoid so just doing something repeatedly and not getting attacked or abused does not habituate me alone. Just like the hundreds of walks I have been on which I still dont like or enjoy and bore the shit out of me. So exposure therapy alone doesn’t work unless you also change your attitude and believe in CBT brainwashing first and that most people are really quite lovely……. and I dont. They aren’t . Evolution and the history of mankind proves this unconditionally. As does the internet.
Today’s pictures are from an exhibition in the city to publicise a local charity. Each flower represents the loss of a loved one and can be bought with the money going to Loros , the UK hospice charity.
The pictures were taken during the world cup game against Sweden. I know football is the biggest sport in the UK but I was still surprised how the whole country seemed to be closing down to watch. For the first time in two weeks I went further than just the local supermarket. This is partly due to the heat wave the UK is presently experiencing(its currently 29.3 inside my bedroom!) and can be seen by the parched grass in the pictures. In fact not only was there less traffic and people on the streets for a Saturday afternoon but even Tesco was almost empty with only 3 tills open.
Despite not being a huge football fan I very much hope we win the final. England has been a major disappointment in all football tournaments for the last 52 years and never reached a final of anything since 1966. I am sure there are psychological reasons such as almost everyone wanting to beat England for some historical reason like we were once at war with you or made you part of the empire. However few things bring a country together like sport and offers people hope and happiness albeit even if only for a short time. I am also annoyed that almost every other country seems to embrace some kind of patriotic loyalty to their homeland including the millions of immigrants currently living here but due to political correctness and left wing nut jobs and Guardian readers, lets call them Lib-tards, it has become trendy to associate any English patriotism with racism or xenophobia even when it isn’t and is perfectly natural.
Bad day anxiety wise. I started to get very agitated and then depressed about 3PM. (and England aren’t even playing in the world cup until tomorrow afternoon!) Its important to point out that even posting anything online when feeling like this becomes hard to impossible and I doubt my very existence. Hopefully I also exist in a parallel universe with Steph from Neighbours and a life of luxury and cheese to make up for this crap one. I forced myself to go in the garden just to take a picture or two. To me this is my exposure therapy especially as the noisy neighbours were out. Speaking to staff at Tesco or women at bus stops is still 485 light years away. I think I would need 500 therapy sessions to get to normal, no, average. Pity the NHS only offer you 6-12 and I cant afford private.
A bee in flight over my garden pond. Its a wildlife oasis in the middle of a suburban desert of despair, desolation and despondency! Oh no, that just the state of my mind again.
A frog-let. They(frogs) lay many eggs as only a few get to this stage and even fewer live long enough to come back next year and breed. Its survival of the fittest due to evolution. Its the reason why normal people hate and avoid shy people and why England wont win the world cup.
I have become so isolated in the last few months and weeks that I have barely been out much when I used to go out several times a week. I forced myself to go into the garden to take some pictures. I quite like this one even if the detail is missing. I would really like a macro less but you know, money.
I have been thinking about how or if photography can help people with mental health issues especially if you combine it with getting out and walking or visiting somewhere nice or new. It would be good to set up a website if I knew what I was doing but the negative depressed side of my mind tells me that there are probably already lots and they are way better than anything I could do(or afford). I would like to set up a group on Flickr as it would not cost anything but if it gets totally ignored my confidence will dive again, just like getting ignored on SAUK. The social anxiety forum you turn to when the only other option is death or watching daytime TV. Not much difference than.Motivation for anything is so hard.
or does society at large discourage it forcing us to remain silent? Don’t keep it all bottled up inside…..but dont let it out and depress anyone else either!
Is it alright to blog or post online when you are depressed? Well if it’s a blog about depression then its going to be hard not to! I say this because I just read something from a well known social anxiety blogger person in their book who says when they went to an online forum and read about someone who was very depressed it made them feel much worse. Thank God she doesn’t read this blog, she would need to ring the Samaritans for help!!! “What? There are people over 40 who have not done the hard work required and still have social anxiety?”
I can understand her attitude but isn’t this still a tad selfish. As she says there can be people on forums competing for who has had it worse in a wallowing in pity type of way but where else have some people got but online? Many people with social anxiety do have depression, bad depression. (who me?) There seems to be two distinct types of people with social anxiety though. The depressed and miserable ones who whine a lot (me again!)and the GET OFF YOUR BACKSIDE AND DO THE HARD WORK REQUIRED! ones who have about as much sympathy for others as Donald Trump would at an immigration conference. It’s the “I had to do all this to get better so how dare you moan when you are not prepared to do the HARD WORK like me!” approach to shyness.
And what is this hard work exactly? Speaking to women at bus stops about the weather and being looked at like I have just shat my-self and then being told its just maladaptive thinking and keep doing it! Yes because I’ll habituate to being looked at like a loser! That’ll boost my confidence! Even though the entire online world is full of women complaining about men coming on to them! Then there is this whole thing about men’s health and suicide awareness and that men(and women too!) should not keep it all in and bottled up AND THEN when you talk about it even on a forum for anxiety YOU GET SLAGGED OFF FOR BEING TOO NEGATIVE! Is it OK to go and join the UK depression forum and talk about being depressed or would I depress someone on there too much?
Its like being advised to go to therapy repeatedly and ignoring its anything from £50-150 per session and the reputation of NHS therapists from people who used them online is dire. But even then the they expect you to do the hard work of daily exposures to fear and humiliation with great enthusiasm when I am one step away most days from attacking someone who even looks at me funny with a hammer (more likely a rolled up copy of the Daily Mail! No, Not the Daily Mail!!!)
This IS a very depressing blog isn’t it? As I keep saying though look at the title. Its not a self help site as I cant find any that works. In fact I got more views when I was away for a week than when I came back online! That’s because I am a 985 year old long term unemployed virgin with no prospects. CBT Therapy for me would be about as effective as blowing cream cheese up my ass.( but less fun). If only I had done the HARD WORK! when I was 19. Although my blushing. stammering and general panic was so bad then that CBT still would not have worked. I simply dont believe it works for severe SA as you wont even do exposures to extreme fears and if you do then you fail massively and get worse so give up. They wonder why people dont go for help when all CBT really does is tell you to go face your fears and charge you ludicrous amounts of money for the privilege. But some people fall in love with their therapists. Perhaps if I had a young attractive therapist I might pay £50 a session although I could probably do that online for cheaper and get spoken at dirty too!
Taking of sex this is a picture of some mating damselflies I saw last week while away. Do you think the male damsel fly had to do the hard work required and chat up the female one first? Funny place to have to stick their sexual bits! A pain in the neck?