Not Being Liked.

This question was asked on the UK social anxiety forum recently.

“How do you guys accept you’re not liked by many people?”

Its a hard thing to grasp isn’t it as its often true.  I was not liked by many at work or even now online. The weird loner makes other people feel uncomfortable so they dislike him and ignore him  so he stays a weird loner. Shit, sounds very much like evolution at work again and the weak being eliminated for being faulty. But remember its all out own fault for not doing the HARD WORK REQUIRED!

The anxiety advice websites continuously say “Learn to love yourself!” and  “Just be yourself!” when in reality thats the reason we are not liked in the first place. Its not just our shyness as if we force ourselves to talk and we suddenly burst forth with WITTY BANTER and everyone immediate loves us.  In reality to be liked by the majority we have to learn to behave like the majority. Social Skills and all that shit! We must like what they like, hate what they hate and think what they think or at least pretend to in order to be accepted.

An obvious example both in the UK and USA are Brexit and Trump. Roughly half of each country voted for the opposition and yet saying you voted for either is akin to saying you are a closet Nazi in real life or online on any forum so people stay quiet  So people who claim to be tolerant are only tolerant to people who vote for whoever they voted for and deride all others even if its half the population as morally inferior. Some may be but the majority aren’t.  I voted Brexit for instance and have been consistently centre left on most issues all my life.  I am not the slightest bit ashamed so being derided as evil or racist by left wing students on a anxiety forum for shy people just makes me hate them all the more and I classify them as intolerant and ignorant. i would still vote the same way tomorrow. If you want to change opinion try reasoned debate not threats and accusations which is why I suppose so many universities dont allow people to speak with another opinion any more as they might have intelligent conversation which would require independent thought instead of virtue signalling to your peers in order to be accepted into the group dynamic.

Yet a regular piece of advice for those with social anxiety in self help books  is to state an unpopular opinion! Which will probably get you disliked and ostracised! Especially if you are still at university or under the age of 30.

By contrast, today’s picture is of some sparrows in the garden. I have fed the birds here for many years now. It gives me a sense of enormous well-being!

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Pants On Monday!

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Monday is washing day and as I did nothing remotely exciting and did not leave the house I took a picture of my underpants!   They are in B+W to represent the monotony of daily life and the underlying fear of death in the mind of man. Coincidentally I momentarily had this fear while watching episode 7 of Stranger Things on Netflix. That’ll teach me. I may take them to a modern art gallery and hang them on the wall with or without permission. No one will notice as lots of modern art is a concept invented by lunatics to take the piss and give people with no talent something to do to make them feel good.

If that is too offensive to you I also took a close up picture of my biscuits.

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Sunday,Bloody Sunday

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I have always hated Sundays since I was a small kid. Our family never did anything or went anywhere and as a loner kid it meant that I was always bored and in fact started to form the mindset of depression and anxiety way back then. A boring house, a depressing house equals anxiety and no relaxation or contentment. Restlessness that remained for life.

Today’s picture is of the local cathedral. I am trying to take a picture every day for a week to force myself to focus on something(quite literary!) even if I dont go out that far yet as my avoidance has gotten so bad in recent times  Its still quite hot for the UK. 30C inside and about 45C in the sun so I dont wont to go far specially as I cant drive. This is a building I am very familiar with but this time I tried to take a picture of something different like a view of the grotesques around the roof.  Gargoyles are what the rainwater comes out of , Grotesques are all other sculptures on churches and cathedrals.

Even then I noticed the way some people were looking at me weirdly as I took pictures almost as if I was doing something unusual or wrong. This is very common.By contrast people taking photos on their mobile phone never get a second glance. You see I still get paranoid when people look at me. As if they are judging, mocking if only to themselves.I have taken over 150000 pictures over the last 10 odd years and still get paranoid so just doing something repeatedly and not getting attacked or abused does not habituate me alone. Just like the hundreds of walks I have been on which I still dont like or enjoy and bore the shit out of me.  So exposure therapy alone doesn’t work unless you also change your attitude and believe in CBT brainwashing first and that most people are really quite lovely……. and I dont.  They aren’t . Evolution and the history of mankind proves this unconditionally. As does the internet.

Football’s coming home,well maybe.

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Today’s pictures are from an exhibition in the city to publicise a local charity. Each flower represents the loss of a loved one and can be bought with the money going to Loros , the UK hospice charity.

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The pictures were taken during the world cup game against Sweden. I know football is the biggest sport in the UK but I was still surprised how the whole country seemed to be closing down to watch.  For the first time in two weeks I went further than just the local supermarket. This is partly due to the heat wave the UK is presently experiencing(its currently 29.3 inside my bedroom!) and can be seen by the parched grass in the pictures. In fact not only was there less traffic and people on the streets for a Saturday afternoon but even Tesco was almost empty with only 3 tills open.

Despite not being a huge football fan I very much hope we win the final. England has been a major disappointment in all football tournaments for the last 52 years and never reached a final of anything since 1966.  I am sure there are psychological reasons such as almost everyone wanting to beat England for some historical reason like we were once at war with you or made you part of the empire. However few things bring a country together like sport and offers people hope and happiness albeit even if only for a short time. I am also annoyed that almost every other country seems to embrace some kind of patriotic loyalty to their homeland including the millions of immigrants currently living here but due to political correctness and left wing nut jobs and Guardian readers, lets call them Lib-tards, it has become trendy to associate any English patriotism with racism or xenophobia even when it isn’t and is perfectly natural.

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Friday Afternoon Existential Crisis.

Bad day anxiety wise. I started to get very agitated and then depressed about 3PM. (and England aren’t even playing in the world cup until tomorrow afternoon!) Its important to point out that even posting anything online when feeling like this becomes hard to impossible and I doubt my very existence. Hopefully I also exist in  a parallel universe with Steph from Neighbours and a life of luxury and cheese to make up for this crap one. I forced myself to go in the garden just to take a picture or two. To me this is my exposure therapy especially as the noisy neighbours were out. Speaking to staff at Tesco or women at bus stops is still 485 light years away. I think I would need 500 therapy sessions to get to normal, no, average. Pity the NHS only offer you 6-12 and I cant afford private.

 

A bee in flight over my garden pond. Its a wildlife oasis in the middle of a suburban desert of despair, desolation and despondency! Oh no, that just the state of my mind again.

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A frog-let. They(frogs) lay many eggs as only a few get to this stage and even fewer live long enough to come back next year and breed. Its survival of the fittest due to evolution. Its the reason why normal people hate and avoid shy people and why England wont win the world cup.

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Photography for mental health?

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I have become so isolated in the last few months and weeks that I have barely been out much when I used to go out several times a week. I forced myself to go into the garden to take some pictures. I quite like this one even if the detail is missing. I would really like a macro less but you know, money.

I have been thinking  about how or if photography can help people with mental health issues especially if you combine it with getting out and walking or visiting somewhere nice or new. It would be good to set up a website if I knew what I was doing but the  negative depressed side of my mind tells me that there are probably already lots and they are way better than anything I could do(or afford).  I would like to set up a group on Flickr as it would not cost anything but if it gets totally ignored my confidence will dive again, just like getting ignored on SAUK. The social anxiety forum you turn to when the only other option is death or watching daytime TV. Not much difference than.Motivation for anything is so hard.

Life as a Viking

England just won the football(world cup against Columbia) so I should be positive.  I stayed with my only friend for a week again, got back last Monday but have not felt like posting since. Avoidance? Yes! its what I do! Feel the fear and then go and hide away again anyway as all people are judgemental bastards and facing my fears usually makes things worse even on the internet! I have actually barely left the house since I got back apart from to go to Tesco. Its hot in the UK with the longest heatwave I can remember since I was a child. In reality this really means about 10 days in a row when the sun has come out. I hate the heat. I am allergic to it and go blotchy. Its about 25-30C at the moment which is hot for here. Someone said it got to 40C in Australia. That would kill me. Here are some pictures from he heritage festival I went to. Dressing as a viking would be a good idea for someone with SA. You get to wear a helmet, grow a beard and carry an axe in case of trouble. As long as they dont expect me to sing about SPAM. Yes, I am drunk ……. again. Its the only way.