The last physio session today before I go away for a week. Its strange being with several strangers. They seem nice but its hard to make any small talk although a couple of them do and talk about imminent holidays. In fact it was easier just with the physio woman before group sessions but that’s probably normal. I dont of course have a particularly normal life to talk about anyway and feel somewhat conscious that my wounds are self inflicted so dont want to bring it up. Still I wonder what will happen to them and what their lives are like as some people leave every week as they have had their 6 sessions and I will never see them again. I do not like the walk there as its through a bad area and past the cemetery. It takes 40 minutes and as today was quite hot I was already quite sweaty before I got there. They also make us coat our hands in hot wax before we start and then we peel it off as it hardens and before we start exercises. I dont know what good it does but it feels nice.
As I walk through the busy hospital I sometimes feel quite envious of many of the younger members of the staff here. They have a career and seem driven, they know what they want to do with their lives and the medical profession is very worthy. By contrast I was completely clueless at that age and ended up in a menial warehouse job for years and unhappy. Having parents who did not give a damn or offer any help or advice sort of does that to you. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and do it again but still dont know what I would choose as a career. Maybe if I had stayed at college and gone on to university I would have found some meaning. I think something that helps other people would have been more fulfilling. I am still feeling quite emotional so hope being with my friend for a week may help, better than being alone anyway.
Death by Shyness 