I spoke to somebody yesterday. Yes its rare I know. It was the son of one of the old ladies from the care home I was in last autumn. I knew he used to visit his mother every afternoon but had not seen him since I left until the other day and then again yesterday saw him sitting on a bench around the corner. The home is only 5 minutes away. Thankfully his mother is still alive but sadly one of the three old ladies has passed away and the other, the one I had to stop from getting up every night and falling over, she had been moved to a different home by her son, hopefully a better one.
However the care home sounded like it had even gotten worse over the last 8 months with new management and several of the staff leaving. I was lucky in that as I was still mobile so was able to go home every day but if I was there 24/7 with nothing to do but watch daytime TV I would have gone insane(yes, even more than I am now.) I remember the toilets with urine all over the floor, once sitting on a chair covered in someone’s urine as they had wet themselves and one toilet with ivy actually growing in an open window even though it was December. The night staff who were simply glorified cleaners and had little interest in looking after the older residents. I dread getting ill again and having to go back to such a place. Yet they charged £700-1000 a week per person. Many elderly people forced to sell their houses to pay for such care. Yet the elderly population is growing rapidly and the money for social care getting less every year. Perhaps we are entering a new dark age and one day soon we will have people pushing carts walking the streets shouting “Bring out your dead!”
Today is a public holiday in the UK. the last one before Christmas. Its warm and sunny but such days only depress me as everywhere is crowded and remind me of my youth when all such holidays were also spent in my bedroom alone. A weird loner when young sometimes becomes a weird loner as adult. It simply must all be my own fault for not DOING THE HARD WORK REQUIRED TO CHANGE! I still think much of social anxiety treatment to be written by delusional morons. Of course I have some regrets now but the worst thing is you still have the mental capacity and emotions to imagine true love and what it would be like to be with someone but know its now too late to ever actually experience it. So what’s the point?
Death by Shyness 